Addendum

I must point out an exception to my last blog - I did get to hang out with the lovely Cicely and Jay while I was up in L.A. Jay and Cicely are the type of people who have a bazillion friends but still manage to make time to hang out with you, so if they can take a night out for dinner and coffee than NOBODY has an excuse for flakiness. ;) Hehe. Thanks again guys for the delish adobo, but most of all for taking time to catch up.

Also, congratulations go out to Jennie and Brian for their beautiful little twin girls, Abigail and Sophia!!! We know Faith is going to be the coolest aunt around too.

I'm procrastinating right now. I don't have class until 7 and our apartment is a disaster zone, but I am taking time to check e-mail and blog instead of doing what I should be, which is cleaning. It's never fun to fold clothes and vacuum. Also, since we're moving I'm trying to go through the stuff we need to donate and that in itself is a monumental task. Oy vay.

Insomnia

I know I've been MIA and you have all been waiting with baited breath for my latest and greatest post. Ha! Is there anyone even still reading this? These past two weeks have been hectic what with being in LA, and while I did come down to San Diego for the weekend I've been spending all of my time either apartment hunting or writing this huge ass paper that is due today. Kyle was starting to wonder if his wife even existed anymore. Thankfully, we have found an apartment and I am almost done with my paper, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I technically was going to wait to blog until my paper was done and turned in, as that is what I should be working on, but since I'm suffering from yet another bout of insomnia and it's the butt crack of dawn right now I figure now is probably not the best time to work on a paper. My blog probably won't even make much sense as it is, but here goes.

LA was a blast, I got to see and do most of the things I was hoping for. Although considering last week was the week before the Emmy's, the closest I came to seeing any celebrities/Emmy action was watching workers set up the tent for the post-Emmy party at the Pacific Design Center and driving past the Ivy, where I think I may have caught a brief glimpse of...wait for it...Byron Allen getting out of his car! Yes, THE Byron Allen! Somebody actually asked me, "Who is Byron Allen?", and I couldn't even remember what he was (semi) famous for. The only thing I could come up with was his cheesey interview show and I also think he played Alfonso's dad or uncle on Silver Spoons. Google him people. He's one of those obscure actors that probably only me or Nina know about.

Since I haven't blogged in so long, there are a few things I wanted to talk about regarding my time in lala land. So here are my blogs within my blog, my meta-blogs if you will:

Flakiness
Now, I'm not sure if this is an LA thing or not, but all I know is that I made multiple plans with people that were changed/moved around/cancelled at the last minute, and that doesn't seem to happen to me much in San Diego. Granted, I don't really know very many people in San Diego to make plans with, but still. I made a point to e-mail/contact the people who I really wanted to see weeks before I came out, and after receiving e-mail confirmations of dates and times I got the old, "Oh, I thought we were meeting NEXT week, not this week!" Grrr, come on peeps, how can you confuse the dates when we've been talking about this for weeks and weeks and we have the date going around in several different e-mails? I don't expect to be at the top of your list, but really, sometimes you've gotta wonder. I guess I'm just one of those people that likes to make plans and actually stick to them. Call me crazy.

Wardrobe Malfunctions
So, I was getting ready to go out for dinner and drinks with Kathy, Nina, and Cheryl for a good old Rowland reunion. I came across that ever present dillemma in a woman's life: what shoes do I wear? Do I wear my diva platform shoes with the cute little flowers printed on the heels or my fallback comfy casual yet cute black flip-flops with a bow? Remembering that I am a married woman that doesn't need to worry about impressing anyone with my shoes, I opted for the flip-flops. What can I say, I'm a comfort before beauty type of gal. Actually, I think the shoes would be more to impress other women since I am 99.99999% sure that straight guys probably do not check out what shoes girls wear. In fact, their line of sight probably doesn't make it further down than the calf of a woman's leg. Okay, so that's a gross overgeneralization, but I digress. Just what do you think happens to said flip-flops at the end of the night? Somehow, a tear developed in the straps of my flip-flops, causing them to come precariously close to falling apart. If not for the cute bow holding them together they would have been goners. I don't know what I would have done w/o my very favorite pair of shoes, but luckily the week prior I had spotted the exact same pair at Ross Dress for Less when I was home for the weekend. So where do you think the very first place I hit up was upon my return? You guessed it. My only hope was that they were still there. To my dismay, when I checked the place I last saw them they were gone, so I thought oh well, I'll go look for sunglasses. As I was perusing the accessories section, I caught a glimpse of a separate rack for flip-flops and lo and behold there were my coveted shoes! In my size! It was like divine intervention. The shoe goddesses were smiling down on me that day.

NKOTB
I stayed with Kathy and Greg for the majority of my time up in LA. For those of you who don't know Kathy, we go way back to junior high. I've known her for over half of my life. During our tween years, we were absolutely OBSESSED with New Kids on the Block. I can't even begin to describe to you the level of insanity we were at, but this story will give you an idea. While I was in LA, one of Kyle's co-workers, knowing what a big NKOTB fan I was, sent him an e-mail telling him to let me know that she heard that they were going to be having a reunion. Kyle, being the devoted and sweet husband he is, forwarded the e-mail to me much to his reluctance, which I proceeded to forward to Kathy, and upon her recipt of it she and I started going ballistic and regressing back to our teeny bopper years. Coincidentally, Kathy's mom had just moved and was getting rid of boxes out of her house, and Kathy told me that she was pretty sure one of the boxes held all of her NKOTB memorabilia from years gone by. Well after hearing that I just couldn't leave LA without going through that box, so you know we cracked open that box as soon as she told me about it. Sure enough, there were the gigantic buttons, concert programs, tapes (yes, tapes, not CDs) with NKOTB songs, and endless stacks of posters. The very best part? Kathy found old old mini magazines that we used to make for each other. We titled our magazine, "Teen, Bop, Beat Party" and we wrote fake articles about how Jordan had a girlfriend named Kathy and he is no longer a single man, pasted in posters of the New Kids with our own pictures skillfully doctored in using scissors and glue (hey, there was no Photoshop back then!), and I even made a fake subscription card to be filled out and returned. The best was I even wrote a birthday rap for Kathy in the vein of the NKOTB rapping style. How I had time for all of this, I don't know. Needless to say, Kathy and I were up half the night going through them and practically peeing our pants at the things we put in those "Teen, Bop, Beat Party" issues. I'm telling you, I missed my calling as a magazine editor. If you saw those magazines you would know what I'm talking about.

If you've lost all respect for me, I understand. I'm kind of wondering about myself at this point. Gotta go look up those reunion dates now.

Return to L.A.

I'm going back to L.A. for a temporary two week stint at my old job. Should be interesting - I haven't been back in forever thanks to the crazy cost of gas. I'm looking forward to it though. Two weeks should be the perfect amount of time for me to try to get in and do the things I miss the most, like:

1. Eat a chinese chicken salad at California Chicken Cafe
2. Walk down Robertson Blvd. and join the papparazzi in staking out the Ivy for celeb sitings
3. Walk down to the Beverly Center and have bignettes at The Grand Luxe
4. Window shopping on Santa Monica Blvd.
5. Traipse down Main St. between Santa Monica and Venice enjoying the fresh ocean breeze and people sighting
6. More eating at: Minori Sushi, California Rock N' Roll Sushi (Hawaiian roll), any Indian or Korean BBQ restaurant
7. Visit the Farmer's Market and the Grove just for old times sake

I know most of the above involve eating, but I can't really justify spending on anything else since we are supposed to be saving money. I'm sure I won't make it to every place on the list, but it will be nice to visit my old haunts. Brings back fun memories of our times up in L.A. Too bad I'll be working during the day so I won't really get to see the beach or anything.

I'm sad I'll be apart from Kyle for so long though. :(

Issues

vitriolic - adj. corrosive; sarcastic

I'm taking this class right now that's all about exploring your issues and feelings on things. I'm finding these are my major issues right now:

1. Avoidance of confrontation
2. Feeling rejected/loneliness
3. Thinking too much before speaking/not living "in the moment"
4. Middle child syndrome (goes into #2 - not feeling like I'm worthy)
5. Low confidence level
6. Uneasiness with public speaking/large groups

I don't know if it's right for me to categorize those things, but there you have it. I think the hardest part for me is that we are discussing everything in a large group of 23 people, so for me to try to deal with #s 1-5 while simulataneously feeling uncomfortable talking in front of so many people is really hard. Plus, usually I deal with things through my vitriolic sense of humor, but it seems that is not the healthiest way to go about things.

I think the underlying issue for me right now is my fear of rejection and loneliness. I've thought about it a lot since moving to San Diego. A lot of my friends are not down here, and I'm not the type of person who makes friends easily. I thought it would be easier once I got back to school, but I'm feeling like I'm looked at as an older person that others wouldn't want to hang out with outside of class. Even though I'm only a few years older than most of the other students, I probably have this stigma to me that I'm just a married lady who doesn't like to have fun. I don't really look at people by their age, but I get self conscious that that is how I am seen. Some of my best friends are the same age as the people in my class, but I've never really thought about their age.

It seems we all have a tendency to put people in a box and label them. I know I'm guilty of it from time to time, but I really think I've done a pretty good job of really trying to get to know people for who they are and not basing my assessment of them on pre-conceived notions based on how they look, their age, their marital status, etc. I think the human mind works in a way that we need to categorize in order to make sense of the world, but if everyone could just try to break that tendency and open up, I think the world would be a better place. Again, I am not saying I am free of bias, and I probably never will be. I feel that it's healthy to acknowledge that we have biases, and at least try to be self aware of what they are so that you can work on them. It bothers me when people think they are just soooo open minded and everyone else is so ignorant. I feel lucky to have been exposed to so many different people in my life and to have had training that has allowed me to open up my mind. I can't blame people who have not been as fortunate as I have been. Guess I'm just a fortunate fool.

I am an Aunt!

Today was a crazy emotional day. My parents and I went with my sister to see the sonogram that would show the sex of her baby. I won't disclose the sex here, since Cathee probably would like to be able to tell people herself insteaed of having me post it on my blog for all to read, but I just have to say how amazing it is to sit in a room and see your future niece/nephew (ha, thought you had me there, huh?) just kickin' it, waiting to be born. He/she waved his/her little arm and started moving his/her mouth, like he/she was talking, and we joked that there was probably a cell phone in there since my sister is notorious for her marathon cell phone talks. Mom started crying (of course), and dad acted like he didn't care when I could really tell inside he was just swelling with pride. And Mike and Cathee are sooo ecstatic -how exciting!

It just made me realize, that despite any differences I may have with my sister, we are and always will be family, and that little kid is sure going to be loved to death by his/her aunt. Hopefully this blog will stand the test of time and one day my little niece/nephew will get to read how loved he/she was even before he/she was born. Whew, I'm getting exhausted now just trying to make sure I'm covering my bases with the gender thing. Anyway, just had to share with you just how awesome it was.

Drunk Dialing

I got drunk last night and was drunk dialing people at random. So if I left a message or spoke to you, please let me know what I said. It's all a blur. I think I have a hilarious alternate personality when I'm drunk, but am curious to know if it's just all in my head - kind of like beer goggles, except I suppose in this case it would be personality goggles.

I'm getting too old for this shizz. I think I need to lay off the drinking. Every time I do it now I feel like I've gained 20 lbs. And then I can never get anything accomplished the next day. Add that to the fact that I seriously think I have killed a million brain cells via alcohol - if that isn't a clear cut message to quit I don't know what is. I feel like I was so much smarter in college than I am now. Thinking just seems to take so much more effort nowadays than it did back then. I am much less Owl and much more Eeyore these days. More Hagrid than Hermione. More Joey than Ross. Anyway, you get the picture.

Ode to Craig(slist)

Dear Craig,

I really enjoy checking out your list every day. I don't know what it is, but sometimes I just can't stop thinking about all the amazing things you have to offer. I know it is wrong for me to think about any man other than Kyle's anything, but when you can find a home, a job, a partner, furniture, a pet, and a free giant cactus all in one place - I mean, what more could a person ask for?

The one good thing about having to move is that I actually have a reason to look at your website. Usually I just maniacally click on it throughout the day without rhyme or reason. I'm obsessed with finding out what the latest is in the world of craigslist san diego. Maybe you should slap a restraining order on me or something. But the thing is, even if I'm in jail, I will find you. Mmmwwahahaha.

By the way, did that guy who saw the cute girl wearing a UCSD sweatshirt buy a slurpee and drive away in a Black Volkswagon Jetta at the 7-11 on Gold Coast & Camino Ruiz ever hook up with his missed connection?

With Love and Devotion,
Cheryl

The End of an Era

extirpate - v. to destroy, exterminate, cut out

Today is officially my last day as a full-time advertising employee. It's really surreal to think that I won't be doing the same thing I have been doing day in and day out for the past 7+ years. Will I miss it? I'm sure there are parts of it I definitely will (particularly the aforementioned perks). And then there are the things I definitely won't miss. Every time I leave a job I tend to only remember the good things about it, but this isn't just leaving a job, it's leaving a career. Pretty scary/exciting stuff. Hopefully advertising will always be there as a fallback for me and I won't be completely extirpated from it.

Anyway, just some boring thoughts for my last day. In other career news, Kyle is switching departments at his job. Congratulations Kyle! Sometimes he worries that people judge him as a person by his career. Most of our friends have philanthropic, non-corporate type of jobs. It's great because we share that common concern for others, which is probably why we are friends, but I sort of see what Kyle means because I was that person that worked in corporate America for a long time. For whatever reason, people seem to think that what you do for al iving is a direct reflection of who you are as a person. Yes, sometimes it does reflect our interests, but just because Kyle works in finance doesn't mean that he is a greedy money whore. If Kyle could have survived his whole life working for non-profits, he would have done it, but unfortunately non-profit salaries don't quite cover your entire cost of living when you have student loan debt and car payments to worry about. Those of my friends who are lucky enough to have had their entire education paid for by their parents and received cars as graduation/birthday presents were more readily able to choose their jobs without having to take salary into consideration. I guess our goal one day would be to allow our kids to do the same. Ironically, I actually won't be making a huge amount less as a school counselor than I am in advertising. In fact, if I had been in school counseling for 7 years vs. media buying for 7 years I have a feeling I would actually be making more than I currently am making.

Sorry to be so boring today, Kyle and I downed a whole bottle of wine last night on our own and so I'm not quite feeling up to blogging par today.

Coffee Junkie

desuetude - n. cessation of use

HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME & KYLE! Here's to spending the two best years of my life con mi persona favorita en todo del mundo.

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, so have been completely relying on coffee to get me through my days. I usually only have one cup a day, which I suppose is not too bad, but I would rather rely on my own energy sources than to be dependent on the Bucks (Starbucks that is). First of all, it's way too expensive a habit to have. I've been pretty good lately about only drinking coffee at home or at the office, but the occassional Starbucks stop really adds up. When I first started working, me and my co-workers used to go to the Bucks at least two times a day. How I managed to do that on a $26,000 a year salary, I'll never know. But think of the cost:

An average $3.50 per cup of coffee
x 2 times a day
x 5 work days a week
x 52 work weeks
= $1,820 per year

Yikes! I could have invested that money into a 401k or a Roth IRA (yes Kyle, I do sometimes pay attention to your finance talk). Had I done so,I would have been a few thou richer by now. I actually went through a good period where I practiced desuetude from coffee, although my reputation as a coffee addict precedes me. Probably because my friends know how excited I can get at the prospect of a tall coffee Frappuccino on a hot summer day, or during the winter months, a tall non-fat white mocha. Somehow I can never escape the stigma of being coffee reliant. I guess when I do fall off the caffeine wagon, I go big or go home!

On a completely unrelated note, I have a confession to make. That new Paris Hilton song, Stars are Blind? Yeah, I kind of like it. I was driving along in my car the other day, minding my own business, when that song came on I actually turned up the volume much to my horror and dismay. It was like my hand had a mind of it's own, even though my brain was willing it to stop before I touched the volume dial. And to make matters worse, I turned it up AGAIN! Two times! And the second time was even worse because at least the first time I barely realized what I was doing. **shudder**

If I ever start putting extensions in my hair and incorporating "That's hot" into every other sentence, somebody slap me.

A Student Again

I started school on Monday. It's the strangest thing to take an 8 year break from something and then have to step right back into it. I guess you could say going back to school is like riding a bike though, because everything just seemed to come rushing back to me at once. Okay, so my concerns about the laptop thing were totally unnecessary. In fact, you'd probably look like a right ass if you whipped out a laptop during heavy discussion sessions, so I'm really glad I didn't run out and buy one. And make no mistake about it, I seriously considered buying one. Luckily I kept those thoughts a secret from Kyle or he probably would have had a heart attack, what with his high cholesterol and all.

The one thing I did have to get used to again was raising my hand in class. There were a few times I just blurted things out, and I don't think it went over very well. Oh well, ya live and learn. My first night I had 60 pages of reading. 60 PAGES! I think that's more non-fiction than I've read ever since I graduated from undergrad! It went quickly though, because now I feel like this is information I'm actually going to apply to my real life career. Imagine that! Anyway, I like it so far.

I'll try to keep up the blogging, but my posts may be sparse in the next few weeks since I'm still working full-time in addition to taking my class, and Kyle and I are celebrating our two-year anniversary on Monday. How he has survived two years of waking up to my scary Clearasil spotted, messy ponytail, crazy-thick glasses wearing face every morning I'll never know. God love him.

A Vagrant's Life

peripatetic - adj. wandering

Kyle and I have decided that we will need to move once our lease is up in October. We love our place now, but we just won't be able to afford it once I go back to school full-time. That will make wherever we live next the 7th place, 4th city, and 2nd county we've lived in less than 4 years. I am a constantly peripatetic soul.

It's funny too, because I was a Navy brat growing up and HATED moving. I seriously loathed it. I would leave little random notes around my parents' bedroom protesting impending moves, hoping that somehow this method would impel them to change their mind and decide not to uproot my life for yet another move. In the end, I suppose one could say that it helped me to build resilience to change over time. However, I also think it may have damaged me socially. To the point where I could never maintain any friendships because by the time I got into the being invited to sleep over stage I would be off to the next city and a new life.

Right before we got married, we experienced a variety of events that convinced us to move from L.A. to San Diegoo, including slashed tires on both of our cars, me working 100+ hour workweeks and coming home crying, and the ultimate deciding factor being the flood in our apartment building that destroyed our unit. It was then that we decided that God was sending us a message to jump ship. Much like he did with Noah and the great flood. Okay, maybe it was way different, but you get what I'm saying.

Also, right before we got married, we thought San Diego would be a great place for us to settle down and start a family, particularly since my whole family had migrated down here. There are many things I love about San Diego - the weather, the way that traffic is a billionth less crazy than what it was in L.A., and of course being close to my family is nice. But before I moved, I remember talking to some of my friends who had moved from San Diego to L.A. and I recalled them saying that everyone in San Diego is very much about SAN DIEGO. I didn't quite get what they meant at the time, but boy, now I really understand. Not only are San Diegans proud to be from here, many of them HATE L.A. and everything that comes from it. Unfortunately, I come from L.A. Really, I don't think there is anything wrong with being proud of where you are from. But what's funny is when I hear people say that the reason San Diegans don't like L.A. is because people from L.A. think that San Diego is just an extension of L.A. Um, I totally never thought that! I always thought that San Diego was a distinctly different place from L.A., and even Orange County is a completely different place in between. I just think there is no need for all of this hatred in the world. This type of San Diego-centricism if you will is almost akin to the egocentric attitude of Americans who think there is no other country but America. Let's just all get along people.

Back to School Preparations

Did Kevin from Kevin & Bean get a divorce? I'm listening to the stream from this morning and they were talking about how Kevin isn't happy that Miami won the NBA finals (boo!). Bean said it was just because Shaq was in the Lakers during Kevin's divorce, so he has bad associations with the big guy. Kevin insists it's because he just can't stand the idea of Shaq being happy that he has gotten back at the Lakers. I'm kind of on board with Kevin myself. Then again, I don't think I am ever happy if anyone other than the Lakers wins.

So school starts for me in a few weeks. Seeing as how it has been almost 10 years since I last attended a class, I imagine things have changed quite a bit. Will I look like a dork the first day of class when I show up with notebook and pencil in hand while everyone else busts out their state of the art laptops? Do I bring a backpack to class, or am I supposed to have moved on to a sophisticated leather briefcase as a grad student? I remember when all I had to worry about when it came to back to school was buying new clothes. Now I have to do the opposite and try my hardest NOT to buy new clothes since I will be one broke ass student. At least now I've grown up enough to know that while that free t-shirt with the Mastercard logo splattered across it is utterly cool and will probably show up in the latest issue of In Style magazine, it is not worth an eternity of credit card bills.

I guess there are good and bad things about going back to school. I'll probably have a better idea of what those things are once I actually start. Wish me luck!

Happy Faces

feckless - adj. worthless; weak; ineffective

So yesterday I was listening to the John Tesh radio evening show (an unfortunate side effect of my newfound love for Celine Dion type music). John was actually talking about an interesting study that was just conducted on the effectiveness of writing requests to people on post-it notes. Apparantly, the study proved that people are much more likely to fulfill requests that are written to them on a post-it note because it feels more personal. The likelihood of the request being filled increases even more when a happy face is written on the post-it, as it appeals to people's good nature. I've decided now that I'm going to carry post-it notes around in my purse, to be handed out in appropriate situations such as the following:

When I run into Katie Holmes (since it happens quite often of course):
"Please come to your senses and get out of that Cruiseazy situation you are in, fake baby and all. :)"

To the rude restaurant hostess:
"Please do not look down at me just because you control the seating in this fine establishment. Being unpleasant is not going to get your promoted to waitress any faster. :)"

At the grocery store:
"Please position your cart so it is not blocking the entire aisle, causing a traffic jam while you look for just the right salad dressing with the perfect number of calories and fat content. :)"

At family parties:
"Please stop asking me when we are going to have kids. :)" (I'll just have to wear this one, since I'd run out of post-it notes in no time if I had to give one to every person who asks)

To the Passive Agressives:
"Be straightforward! If you think you are better than me just say so, you are entitled to your opinion. :)"

And finally, for Kyle's dentist:
"You suck. :)" - All right, I know that isn't a request, but really a post-it note or anything for that matter would probably be feckless against the extortionists in the dental industry (not including my friend Chris of course)

Meditation

aspersion - n., slander

Thanks to those of you who expressed concern after my bitching posts yesterday. After my yoga session today, I feel much much better. Sometimes you just need to center yourself and just breathe. I highly recommend yoga for anyone who needs to just relax. If I am lucky enough to be an expectant mother someday, I already know I will want to take maternity yoga (is that what it's called?). Just knowing how to breathe can make such a difference. Do I sound granola or what?

Anyway, hopefully nobody accuses me of aspersion from yesterday's post. I tried keeping names anonymous, etc. out of respect. If anyone wants to start a blog and write about any of my inappropriate behavior in it, be my guest!

This week is a pretty busy one for me. I have something to do every single night. Very unusual. Kyle's sister, Jenny, is in town with her friend. I'm looking forward to some girl time tonight. Normally I would take them somewhere for dinner, but seeing as how I will soon be a starving student it's a nice home cooked meal instead. Wednesday & Thursday I have work related activities, then Friday I'll be hanging out with Sarah helping her prepare for little Wyatt's first birthday party on Saturday. Congratulations to Wyatt for taking his first steps yesterday!

Oh yeah, the other thing that cheered me up is listening to ALO's CD. Just hearing it gives me warm fuzzies inside.

Ranting Continued

Is it better to be an overly confident asshole or a humble person who sincerely cares about other people? I think society tells us to try to be the former rather than the latter. Not that I think confidence and caring cannot occur simultaneously, but sometimes I just think that those who pretend they are the be all and end all are revered in this world. Does it matter that their entire self worth is based on how much better they consider themselves to be than everyone else? I may not be the world's most confident person, but for the most part I derive happiness in the fact that I consider my finest quality to be my capacity for compassion rather than my ability to bullshit my way into or out of any situation.

I'd like to say at 30 I'm an entirely self assured person, but that would be an untruth. What I can say about myself is that I care a lot about my family, my friends, and humankind in general. I am happy with the intelligence level I possess. Even though this post is on the judge-y side, I try my hardest not to constantly critique and judge everyone around me. I'd say I've done a decent job at being an accepting person overall. The major exception to my acceptance is when I feel like someone is not willing to be accepting of me. Sure, I know I shouldn't apply "rules" to my acceptance level, but for some reason or other I can't help but feel like people who don't accept me don't necessarily earn my 100% acceptance in return. I'm working on being more open minded in that regard. Perhaps it's something that will evolve over time. Hey, nobody's perfect, least of all me.

I promised myself that I was going to try to make my blog a place where I could be more positive overall, but you know, I guess I can't pretend to be positive all the time. Sometimes you need a bad day to get your thoughts cleared. There's always tomorrow...

Passive Agressive or Overly Sensitive?

You know what drives me crazy? When people try to get all passive agressive on your ass. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or what (entirely possible), but it just seems to me that I have recently been over-exposed to passive agressive behavior indirectly targeted at me. Why do people feel the need to sneakily attempt to make you feel like crap? The worst part is that passive agressive behavior by it's very nature is a way for someone to hide their insults to you in a way that doesn't SEEM like they are insulting you, so they inevitably cannot be proven to be the bad guy, and if you try to approach them about it they make you seem like you are crazy. I don't know, if anyone is out there reading this, please tell me if you think the below comments are passive agressive insults (names of the accused passive agressivers, heretofore known as PA's, are being withheld out of respect in case comments have been misinterpreted by overly sensitive blogger):

Scenario #1: Discussing a new home purchase of a relative of PA.

PA: As soon as I saw this home I knew it was perfect for him/her. It is just so beautiful!
Me: Yeah, I love it! The kitchen is awesome, and it is the perfect set up for him/her.
PA: Mmmhmm...so tell me again, are you still RENTING (change in intonation at the mention of RENTING).
Me: Oh, yeah (mumbling something about going back to school, can't afford to buy, etc.)

Scenario #2: Discussing pregnancy of PA.

PA: I'm growing out of my clothes, so do you think I could borrow some of your old clothes to use as maternity wear?
Me: I don't think it's very nice to ask someone to use their clothes as maternity wear.
PA: Well, if I was a size 8 and someone else I knew was a size 2, I wouldn't mind it if they asked me for their clothes.
Me: Oh. (I'm not a size 8)

It's really hard to convey this type of behavior if you aren't actually there, but it could also be the result of me feeling sensitive about things like money or my weight. Particularly since I just found out I have a medical condition that makes it difficult for me to break down certain types of food in my body, so my weight can fluctuate quite a bit if I'm not careful. Anyway, Kyle thinks I'm crazy half the time because I think about these things too much. Good thing I have a blog to vent on.

Sorry to be Negative Nelly today, it's been a particularly rough day. I'll try to post happy thoughts again soon.

Taking the Plunge Part Two!

intransigent - adj., uncompromising

Well folks, it's official. I gave my notice yesterday and am now on my way to a new career in school counseling. It's kind of surreal to think that I will no longer be a part of the crazy world of advertising. Oh advertising, parting is such sweet sorrow. No longer will I have the pleasure of taking advantage of fun perks like concert tickets and American Idol tapings, nor will I likely ever be taken to a free dinner at Morton's or the Ivy or Spago. Poor me, I will have to pay for my own meals from hereon forward. What I won't miss: last minute changes, crazy hours (more so in L.A. than here), unreasonable clients (who shall remain nameless).

Every job has it's disadvantages. I am by no means going into this new career thinking that everything will be perfect. But I am excited to be working at something that I am really passionate about. Every kid in this world deserves to have the same chances in life as the next child. If I can help level the playing field as a school counselor, I will be overjoyed. I can never understand people who think they are fundamentally better than other people just by being born. Really, that's what racism, sexism, classism, and pretty much any other ism you can think of is about. We all have this need to feel like we are better than other people. I'm not saying I'm completely innocent of it myself, but I am at my happiest when I am not trying to impress other people, and I'm just happy with being me.

"Perfect" is such a relative term anyway. What's perfect to one person is not necessarily perfect to the next. If we are all striving towards this one idea of "perfection" just so we can feel like people look at us and say, "Wow, that person is perfect in every way", well, I've got news for you honey. No matter who you are or what you do, there is going to be somebody out there that will talk shit about you. One of the most accurate cliches is "You can't please all the people all of the time." I used to want to do that, and I practically drove myself crazy doing so. Now I am just happy if my family and friends can accept me for who I am, because I certainly try to accept and love them in an intransigent, unconditional way.

Anyway, sorry to get on my pedestal just now. I've had a lot on my mind and needed to get a little out. I am really excited to go back to school though. Starting over at 30 won't be easy, but I'm going to do my best. Luckily I've got the world's greatest husband to help me through. :)

The San Diego Reader

agog - adj. eager, excited

Now that we've come to the end of new primetime programming, I've taken up reading to pass the time. Nothing too heavy, I must ease back into it seeing as how it's been a good couple of months since I've picked up a book. Kyle is a voracious reader. He burns through about 100 books a month. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it seems like he is always reading several different books at one time. I, on the otherhand, am agog if I read one book in a month. There was one girl I used to work with who said she hasn't read a book in something crazy, like 5 years. Reading is a sadly underutilized and overlooked form of entertainment in our society. Even when I don't like a book, I enjoy passing the time just reading. Case in point, the book I am reading right now was very kindly loaned to me from an acquaintance. It's a fluffy chick book, which normally I am all about, but for some reason this book just doesn't do it for me. The characters aren't too likeable, the plot is kind of all over the place, but you know what? I still read it just to find out what happens in the end. I'm trying to pick out the good things in it instead of focusing on the bad. I'm the eternal reading optimist, hoping that somehow the ending will redeem the entire week I have invested into this so-so story. After all, the opportunity cost for reading this novel equates to some juicy Laguna Beach repeats so it better be worth it!

Trippin'

insularity - adj. narrow mindedness, isolated

So how do you like my new blog template? I think the dots are cute. I was getting tired of the plain grey. Why is grey/gray spelled two different ways? That's always confused me. Also, I think you can spell cancelation with one l or two. I've always been a stickler for spelling - probably harks all the way back to the hours of preparation I endured for my 3rd grade spelling bee. I ended up spelling "kindergarten" wrong (with a d instead of a t). But really, did placing 3rd in the spelling bee end up helping me to be a more successful career woman in the long run? I know people who can't spell for the life of them, but thanks to the modern day miracles of spell check they are making tons more money than I ever will.

Memorial Day weekend was the bomb dot com man! Kyle and I have been guilty of insularity within a 10 mile radius of our apartment ever since we moved to San Diego, so we are really clueless when it comes to all the fun things to do in San Diego. So this weekend I busted out my nerdy tourist book, the San Diegan, and we took advantage of the glorious weather and the fact that everyone and their mother was visiting San Diego for the long weekend, and we ended up traipsing around all over the county from downtown to Carlsbad, Old Town to Temecula. It was really fun! We got to see Jay and Cicely on Saturday AND Sunday, so they were probably so glad to get back to L.A. and get rid of us, but we wanted to spend as much time as possible with them considering they got ENGAGED!!! Yep, they made Kyle and I feel like big a-holes because we went to meet them at their hotel, and they totally didn't even tell us right away. After about 30 minutes, Cicely practically had to shove the ring in my face until I realized what was going on. You would think I would've caught on considering the fact that Jay had a big vase full of flowers with him and he was acting really funny. Anyway, I am so happy for them and can't wait to initiate them into the old married people club (but don't worry guys, I'll ALWAYS be older than you!).

Also got to hang out with Kristine. Kristine is so fun, always makes me smile when I get to see her. Found out that she reads the same reality show blogs as I do. I love how she is not afraid to confess her nerd like (aka Cheryl-like) tendencies to me. Although I probably just transmitted my nerd-itis on to her through repeat exposure.

Ahhh, I love 3-day weekends.

Reductus Brain Cells

I told Kyle this morning that I think I have some sort of mental disorder that causes me to forget entire conversations I have with people. Seriously, it's very scary, plus it makes it hard to be a good friend when you make plans that you never remember. My dad calls it CRS (Can't Remember Shit) when he refers to my mom, which is very un-PC considering her medical history, and I wouldn't even find it mildly amusing were it not for the fact that my mom herself thinks it is the most hilarious thing she's ever heard. That plus the fact that my dad CGS (Couldn't Give a Shit) about being PC. This, after all, is the man who not only leaves his cell phone on while watching a movie in a theater full of people, but he straight answers it and has a full on lengthy conversation with the person on the other end of the phone in his normal talking voice. Ah, dad, gotta love him!

I used to think I was a good listener, but now one of two things has happened. Either a) Somewhere in my old age and hermit like state I have lost my listening skills, or b) I'm just plain losing it. I almost prefer the latter since option a) makes me out to be a lazy person. Actually, more like a lazy friend. I know I'm lazy in many aspects given the fact that 99.99% of my life outside of work is spent watching TV on the recliner couch, but I've always taken some sort of pride in considering myself a good friend who is willing to go above and beyond for those I love.

So to my friends who are always patiently enduring my constant brain farts, I say thank you.

Oh, one thing I have not forgotten is my vocab words, but having to look up vocab words for every post is discouraging me from blogging when I feel like it, so I'll have to make it an occassional thing. I guess I am just a CRS riddled lazy ass.