Steppin' It Up

I was working with a student the other day and we were talking about the lyrics to a song that she idenitifies with. Here's a song that I'm trying to identify more with these days:

"Control" - Janet Jackson

This is a story about control
My control
Control of what I say
Control of what I do
And this time I'm gonna do it my way (my way)
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready?
I am
'Cause it's all about control (control)
And I've got lots of it

When I was 17 I did what people told me, uhh!
Did what my father said,
and let my mother mold me
But that was long ago
I'm in

Control
Never gonna stop
Control
To get what I want
Control
I like to have a lot
Control
Now I'm all grown up

First time I fell in love, I didn't know what hit me
So young and so naive, I thought it would be easy
Now I know I got to take

Control
Now I've got a lot, ow!
Control
To get what I want
Control
I'm never gonna stop
Control
Now I'm all grown up

Jam, ooh ooh
Rebel, that's right
I'm on my own,
I'll call my own shots
Thank you

Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control

So let me take you by the hand,
and lead you in this dance
Control
It's what I got,
because I took a chance
I don't wanna rule the world,
just wanna run my life
So make your life a little easier
When you get the chance just take
Control

There are more lyrics but it kind of gets repetitive after that so I'll spare you. It's funny, you never realize how many oohs and aahs there are in a song until you actually look at the lyrics on paper.

Anyway, my point is that lately I've sort of felt out of control of my life. I have a tendency to put pressure on myself based on what other people want from me and not what I want for myself. I think the main part of the song that is true to how I feel about "Control" is that "I don't wanna rule the world, just wanna run my life." Basically, here's how I rank my priorities in life:

1. Family/friends
2. School
3. Work

Lately it has not been that way, and I can only blame myself for that. Maybe I'm destined for mediocrity but I've never been one to try to strive to be the "best" at anything. I think I've blogged about this before - being the "best" is so relative and in no way the same for everyone, so I only want to be the best at doing what makes me happy.

I've always been really terrible at saying "No" when someone asks me to do something (hence, the 100+ hour work weeks when I was in advertising). I'm going to try to practice it more because ultimately, if I don't, I'll just become really resentful and bitter. Again, noone to blame but myself. If only I was taught how to do that better...I think it goes into how culturally, it was always emphasized that I had to respect my elders, don't question what they say, etc. I used to totally get into trouble if I said "No" to my parents. But I really think I should put more stock into myself and know that if I do say no to someone then that doesn't mean they'll ultimately hate me, and even if they did, so be it. We should all respect each other's priorities rather than trying to force our own on everyone else and thinking that anyone who doesn't share our same priorities is weird or crazy. If you are someone that loves working 100+ hours per week, more power to you I say!

Wow, that was a release. I think all this self counseling in school is getting to me.

Nice Girl

I wrote this post last week but have been waiting to post it because I can't get my darn scanner to work properly. Oh well, here it is, excuse the shoddy quality of the below pics due to an ill functioning piece of crap scanner:

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I think I have blogger's remorse. Every time I think to blog I start making a mental list of all the things I should be doing, like studying, getting sleep, spending more time with Kyle, etc. Then when I finally do go to blog I feel like I have to apologize for it or something. I think it may be the Catholic in me. What can I say, guilt is a powerful thing. Perhaps this is the real reason why I have been so remiss in my entries.

So I heard a funny conversation the other day on the radio as I was driving to school listening to the hits of the 80's, 90's and today. I think it's funny when people who are so out of the loop try to get back in the loop and then end up totally not getting what being in the loop really is about. I know this is vague...let me explain. This kind of dorky sounding DJ dude was talking about how he just started getting into reading blogs, and he discovered the word, "meh". He defined it as a "verbal shrug", and even had a theory as to where the word derived from - I think he said some word in Yiddish or something. So he proceeds to end his segment by saying, "The next time someone says something to you that you are ambivalent about, just say 'meh'." Now I could totally be the one out of the loop here, but in my estimation there are certain things that you write in the blogosphere that you totally wouldn't say in real life, "Meh" being one of those things. It's okay to say "Eh" (which is really where I think it came from), but would a real live person ever really say "Meh"? Maybe if they listened to this radio show they might. But that would be like saying "LOL!" after someone told you a joke, or ummm, now I can't come up with anymore examples, but you know what I mean. Just don't say "meh" around me so I don't feel dumb for spending 10 minutes writing about it, okay? I just think blogosphere lingo should be it's own language meant only to be written and not spoken out loud. Hmm, I wonder what one would call it? Bloglish? Bloginese (sounds too much like bolognese)? Blogalog? Yeah, I like that one.

Speaking of reading blogs, the other day I was perusing a blog I frequent fairly regularly and the blogger was talking about how she wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is known as "nice". Which got me to thinking about how on a few occassions lately I've been told how "nice" I am. But honestly, when people tell me that, sometimes I just feel like a huge fraud. I mean I try to treat people well and all, but I think I do have those judgmental tendencies that are maybe just inherent in all of us. I am trying to make a conscious effort to tone down the judgmentalness, but it sho' is hard. I guess I can say I'm pretty optimistic, to the point where sometimes I even disgust myself, but I wonder if optimism and niceness necessarily go hand in hand. Nice just sounds so boring sometimes. Although I do think I would take pride in being tolerant by understanding that not everyone thinks the same way as I do, and trying to see the positive about people rather than the negative.

You know what IS nice of me? The fact that I am going to bestow upon you the menu for Board & Brew, my very favorite sandwich place in all of San Diego. My friends and I used to drive all the way down to L.A. just for a tasty morsel of Board & Brew sandwiches with their oh so delicioso sweet and sour sauce. The other day I was looking for their menu online and when I couldn't find it I thought I would post it on my blog as a service to the minions of sweet and sour sauce loving foodies out there. I present to you...dadadaDA...the Board & Brew Menu:







You can thank me one day by buying me a Turkey Deluxe with extra sweet & sour sauce on the side. I am now going to google "Board & Brew Menu" to see if my blog comes up and yes, I do know that is nerdy of me, and no, I don't so much care. I've learned to take ownership of my nerdiness after all these years.