Steppin' It Up

I was working with a student the other day and we were talking about the lyrics to a song that she idenitifies with. Here's a song that I'm trying to identify more with these days:

"Control" - Janet Jackson

This is a story about control
My control
Control of what I say
Control of what I do
And this time I'm gonna do it my way (my way)
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready?
I am
'Cause it's all about control (control)
And I've got lots of it

When I was 17 I did what people told me, uhh!
Did what my father said,
and let my mother mold me
But that was long ago
I'm in

Control
Never gonna stop
Control
To get what I want
Control
I like to have a lot
Control
Now I'm all grown up

First time I fell in love, I didn't know what hit me
So young and so naive, I thought it would be easy
Now I know I got to take

Control
Now I've got a lot, ow!
Control
To get what I want
Control
I'm never gonna stop
Control
Now I'm all grown up

Jam, ooh ooh
Rebel, that's right
I'm on my own,
I'll call my own shots
Thank you

Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control

So let me take you by the hand,
and lead you in this dance
Control
It's what I got,
because I took a chance
I don't wanna rule the world,
just wanna run my life
So make your life a little easier
When you get the chance just take
Control

There are more lyrics but it kind of gets repetitive after that so I'll spare you. It's funny, you never realize how many oohs and aahs there are in a song until you actually look at the lyrics on paper.

Anyway, my point is that lately I've sort of felt out of control of my life. I have a tendency to put pressure on myself based on what other people want from me and not what I want for myself. I think the main part of the song that is true to how I feel about "Control" is that "I don't wanna rule the world, just wanna run my life." Basically, here's how I rank my priorities in life:

1. Family/friends
2. School
3. Work

Lately it has not been that way, and I can only blame myself for that. Maybe I'm destined for mediocrity but I've never been one to try to strive to be the "best" at anything. I think I've blogged about this before - being the "best" is so relative and in no way the same for everyone, so I only want to be the best at doing what makes me happy.

I've always been really terrible at saying "No" when someone asks me to do something (hence, the 100+ hour work weeks when I was in advertising). I'm going to try to practice it more because ultimately, if I don't, I'll just become really resentful and bitter. Again, noone to blame but myself. If only I was taught how to do that better...I think it goes into how culturally, it was always emphasized that I had to respect my elders, don't question what they say, etc. I used to totally get into trouble if I said "No" to my parents. But I really think I should put more stock into myself and know that if I do say no to someone then that doesn't mean they'll ultimately hate me, and even if they did, so be it. We should all respect each other's priorities rather than trying to force our own on everyone else and thinking that anyone who doesn't share our same priorities is weird or crazy. If you are someone that loves working 100+ hours per week, more power to you I say!

Wow, that was a release. I think all this self counseling in school is getting to me.