Vote for a New Me

So have you ever made a hair appointment thinking that you were going to emerge afterwards a brand new you, with fabulous hair and glowing skin to boot? Every time I go to get my hair cut I conjure up images of ecstatic women emerging from behind mystery doors (or curtains if you will) as their friends and family all ooh and ahh over their life-changing transformation. Apparently I've been watching too many Makeover Editions of Oprah, Ellen, Rachael Ray, and pretty much every other talk show imaginable (except for Tyra, we all know that Tyra's show is all about Tyra and the only person who ever gets made over is herself - not that she needs it or anything, after all she is TYRA damn it!). But, I digress...

Tomorrow I have a haircut appointment and I'm thinking of doing something drastic for the New Year. The problem is, I already know that I don't look so great with short hair, and every time I try cutting it short I just long for the day when my hair will be long enough for me to slap up into a ponytail. The other problem is that I can never find a good hair cut picture to base whatever new look I'm going after on. Today I went to Target and bought a few magazines that I could frantically flip through looking for my dream haircut. Lo and behold, In Style has come up with the brills idea of creating an online makeover studio! As Barney would say, "Whhaaatt Uupppp!". My makeover dreams have come true! Now I can see how a haircut will actually look on me instead of an insanely gorgeous model that would look good in a purple and green colored mullet. And you, my dear friends, can vote on which look you like best since we all know that I cannot make a decision to save my life. Actually, my main problem right now is that I think the style that looks best is the one that pretty much looks like how my hair is right now, and I fear that my judgment is clouded from being afraid of change and such.

And now thanks to the wonders of technology I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, the contenders for my new hairstyle:

Option 1: The Mary Kate (or is it Ashley?)

Option 2: Amy Adams (If I do this one I might have to make Kyle re-enact that rain scene from The Notebook with me)

Option 3: J Lo (no, the baby bump will not come with this one)


Option 4: Reese Witherspoon (the dreaded bangs, I know!)
Option 5: Gwyneth Paltrow
(but really it's just pretty much how my hair looks now)

So what do y'all think?

Pick a New Me! Mary Kate (or is it Ashley?) Amy Adams J Lo Reese This Looks Familiar View Results Make your own poll

Finally

I guess it took a natural disaster to finally get me to post.

I never thought I would say this, but I'm sick of watching TV. 24 hour round the clock news coverage of fires when you can't really do much about it is exhausting. I'm thankful I'm not being effected much by what is going on, though my parents still can't get back to the house. Of course, they haven't minded it much the past few days since it gave them just another excuse to go to Pechanga. Kyle conjured up an image of my dad driving through the smoke and haze bellowing "Pechanga here I come!" Somehow I don't think it was too far from the truth. Despite the 15 being closed off and traffic being diverted west due to the fires to the east of the house, my dad somehow found a way to make it to a casino Northeast of him. Where there's a will, there's a way...

Now that school has been canceled for the week I have time to blog, so maybe I'll try to make up for lost time. And for J and Chermano, who guessed Carlton Banks/Alfonso Ribero....ding ding ding! You are correct. He was one of my first celebrity sightings. I went to one of those cheesey teeny bopper concerts held by the local pop radio station, KIIS-FM, back in 1989 called the "Rat Pack" concert. Just outside of Universal Amphitheater, I ran into a pack of girls following
Tommy Puett (some dude from the TV show "Life Goes On") who was with Alfonso Ribero, and I actually got to touch his jacket! Maybe if you're nice to me I'll let you shake the same hand I touched it with.

Here's another celebrity chronicle item for you...what movie premiere did I attend where I got to meet two Wayans brothers, a (literally) big rapper, and a cop turned bad? Hint: my celebrity chronicles are going in chronological order.

15 Minutes of Fame

Brother (actually Kyle's brother, but he is "Brother" to me too) recently e-mailed me a flyer that was distributed nationally by the company he works for. The flyer prominently displays a picture of him doing his thang on a boat:

This got me to thinking about everyone's 15 minutes of fame. Evidence of Kyle's 15 minutes of fame can be found on the website for Best Buddies, the non-profit that he used to work for when we were living in L.A. If you click on their link his voice is the first one you hear (right before Bono's, hehe): http://www.bestbuddies.org/site/c.ljJ0J8MNIsE/b.1162355/k.BF9F/Intro.htm

Unfortunately, my 15 minutes happens to feature a very unattractive picture of me. Click on the below link, enter Soleil @ K, skip the intro, and you will see me making a serious ugly face:

http://www.soleilatk.com/

I was part of this photo shoot when I worked for the agency that handled their advertising. Glad to know the nastiest picture of me in existence is on display for all the world to see.

Anyway, thought I would share the misfortune of my 15 minutes of fame. If you want to send me yours, good or bad, I'll post it for all the world to see as well, if they haven't already.

I'm inspired to also tell tales of my brushes with actual fame, in a future blogging series I shall call "The Celebrity Chronicles". Starting with my earliest brush with fame featuring a late 80's/early 90's cheesey television series icon who is most famous for playing a character known to bust out hilarious dance moves while rocking such fashionable items as pink polo shirts with sweaters tied around his shoulders. Alas, I fear I have given too much information already, but if you are still dying to find out stay tuned...(but you might have to wait another month or two seeing how busy this semester is going to be for me).

Peace out y'all.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

I went to Vons yesterday and as I was walking out I noticed a table full of used books that was placed in the entry way to the store. Out of curiosity, I stopped to see what it was for. Apparantly Vons is accepting donations of used books and asking customers to buy them for $1 in order to raise money for the Muscular Distrophy Foundation. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I perused the book selection to see if there was anything remotely of interest that I might want to purchase. Let me tell you, after browsing through stacks of books, I realize now that there is a lot of c-r-a-p out there in terms of books that have been written. I mean, really? How many cheesey romance novels gracing the face of Fabio can the world handle? I think my 7 month old nephew can write better stuff than what there is out there! Not that I'm the most well-read person, but come on, even I have standards when it comes to books.

But I shouldn't judge. If "A Restless Knight" is your idea of a good read, then stop by your local Vons today!

I suppose if I really were a good Samaratin I would have bought some of those books just out of good will, but I think I'd prefer to donate the money and get nothing in return.

Friends...How Many Others Have Them?

It's been waaay, waay too long.

If not for Suzanna prodding me on to post my lazy ass might never have done so. I've just been enjoying my summer break too much after a full year of school madness. What have I been doing you ask? Well, I can tell you that a lot of nothing certainly seems to take up a good amount of time.

I was reading Jenna Fischer's (Pam from The Office) myspace blog and it inspired me to blog. She just got nominated for an Emmy and this is what she wrote:

"Man…I am so excited. I just can't tell you what this means to me. Not because it is an award or something like that. But because it feels like it is for our gal Pam. She's a shy girl who doesn't get recognized very often you know. It's like…that shot from the episode with the Art Show where Pam is standing in front of her display waiting for the first visitor to come by…that just sums it all up for me. So, I guess I feel it in that part of me that is Pam. The part that still gets excited to show my art and hopes people are responding to it. It's like…Hey, people showed up to my art show!" (Retrieved from http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=27753303&blogID=289507082 on August 1st, 2007)

If you haven't seen the episode I highly recommend you check it out. In fact, I highly recommend watching each and every episode of The Office because I heart it so much. Anyway, I really connected with what she said because I think in a lot of ways I relate to Pam. I kind of feel like that girl who would put on an art show and hope that people would show up, because I think I would do the same for them. But then maybe nobody would show up. I guess this blog is like my art show, and the people who I know truly are my friends come in and check it out because they really care about what matters to me. So thanks Kyle, Suzanna, Cherann, and anyone else who is out there that finds me interesting enough to check up on me every now and then.

I know this sounds like a depressing blog, but really I've been doing fine lately. I've just been contemplating the fact that I have an unhealthy way of romanticizing friendships. I've always wanted to have friends a' la "Friends", "St. Elmo's Fire", "Saved by the Bell", and "How I Met Your Mother" style, where you just see them all the time and can go and drop by their place without having to make big plans whenever you feel like it. I think other people actually do have those friendships, but I think I tend to get lost in the crowd so I'm the kind of person people just want to hang out with one on one style. I don't know what it is. I know I should stop wishing for things that can't be changed, but I think I just crave that socialization aspect so much for whatever reason. It's like a weird sickness. But maybe when I have kids and don't have time for just hanging out I won't think about it so much.

The best part of that Office episode was in the end when Michael showed up and told Pam how proud he was of her. I cried like a baby when that happened. As much as Michael can be such an idiot, you can tell how much his character really cares.

All right, sorry for the introspective, semi-depressing blog. I'll try to be more upbeat and interesting next time around.

Sims Socialization

Sad news, our poor son was the first guy to get kicked off of So You Think You Can Dance. Tragic. He is dealing with the news well, all things considered. Hehe.

Kyle and I were out having dinner with some friends the other day when I totally put my foot in my mouth and committed one of my usual social faux pas. Our friends were really nice about it, but it got me to thinking about the video game, The Sims. Random segueway, but stick with me here, it'll all come back around eventually. Unlike my beloved husband, I am not much of a gamer, but at one point a few years ago I became obsessed with The Sims. For those of you not familiar with it, it is basically a video game about life with you as the main character. The only real "objective" is to get to the highest rank in your career if you so desire, but the real fun of the game is just tooling around and doing day to day activities like cooking, eating, taking out the trash, and socializing. It doesn't sound that fun when I describe it, but trust me, it gets very addicting. I don't know why, I can barely bring myself to cook and take out the trash in real life but when it comes to doing it in the virtual world I could spend hours on end doing it. The part of the game that always fascinated me was the socializing aspect. You get points for every person you socialize with and the game tells you on a scale of 1 to 100 how much that person likes/doesn't like you. The best part is that whenever you interact with that person, these positive or negative signs pop up above their head to tell you whether your relationship with that person is improving or deteriorating. For months when I would play that game I would find myself in real life social situations, imagining the positive or negative signs above a person's head.

"Hey Jane, I like your dress!" POSITIVE.

"Hey Joe, wanna go grab a drink for happy hour?"
"Actually Cheryl, don't you remember I gave up drinking after I got that DUI?" NEGATIVE.

The problem with real life is that more times than not I think people tend to hide how they are really feeling about you, so no matter how hard I try to see the positive or negative signs above someone's head sometimes they just refuse to let you in. So I think the lesson for myself here is to stop trying to figure out what they are thinking or feeling. In contrast, I think of myself as someone who wears my heart on my sleeve, and often it takes a lot for someone to illicit a negative out of me and not very much for the positives.

"Hi Cheryl." POSITIVE
"How's it going?" POSITIVE POSITIVE
"Want to grab a cup of coffee with me and go shopping?" POSITIVE x 1 million

Anyone who takes the coffee and shopping route is on the fast track to 100 points in my book!

Sweet Child O' Mine

You know those morphing machines they have at Dave N' Busters where you take a picture with your significant other and out spits an image of what your child is supposed to look like? Most of the ones I've seen produce children of mutant-like qualities, so hopefully they aren't very accurate. I've always been curious to see what it would look like if Kyle and I tried it out, but I've never been willing to pony up the small fortune needed in order to get a picture that I'll likely throw away 5 seconds later. Instead I prefer to spend my money on playing games like skee ball and Tetris that will earn me tickets to buy junk in the form of stuffed animals and rubber balls that I will throw away 5 seconds later.

Imagine my utter horror when I found out what our child could possibly looked like as Kyle and I were watching So You Think You Can Dance and he turned to me and said, "That guy is what our kid could look like." "That guy" being this guy:

Okay, so he doesn't look so bad in this picture but on the show he just seems really weird, and coming from me, the queen of weird, that says a lot. I am worried for our future child because my mom is convinced that since Kyle and I will be having a bi-racial child, he/she will be the most amazing looking child ever to walk the planet. I once knew a girl in college who was herself a product of a bi-racial coupling and she said that in her opinion, bi-racial children are either really good looking or really strange looking. I realize that the idea of bi-racial children being beautiful is one big stereotype, but I can't argue too much since my bi-racial godchildren, the offspring of Cherann, are gorgeous themselves. I have this fear that since there is already high expectations for our child's looks, if he/she is anything less than perfect than they will be shunned. Totally irrational, I know.

What do you think? Does

= ?

I would prefer having children that look like this:

or this:

No pressure indeed.

Side note: I have to say that good advertising really does work, as I am obsessed with finding out what the ending of Hostel II is since the commercial says it is an ending that will be talked about by everyone or something to that effect, but I am too much of a wuss to even google it because I hate scary/gory movies and I am afraid of actually seeing an image of what is underneath that bag. But if anyone out there goes to see it or finds out, please satisfy my curiosity for me and let me know what the heck happens in the end!

Bloggers Block

So I figure I ought to post before I lose the two readers I have right now. Even though I'm officially on summer vacation and should theoretically have much more time to blog than I did before, I'm discovering that a) I'm going through major bloggers block and b) I really don't have as much time as I thought I would. I envisioned spending my summer getting caught up on my life and those of my friends, possibly reading a good book or two, and relaxing at the beach. Instead it has been a whirlwind of dirty diapers (babysitting Marcus), constant e-mailing to catch up with the odd jobs I've been doing, and various family gatherings (birthdays, graduations, etc.). Not that I should be complaining or anything, as it's a welcome change from the continual stresses of grad school.

I guess I've been feeling pretty un-original lately, hence I have not had much of interest that I felt warranted the space that I would take up in the bloggerverse. I have, however, been perusing others' blogs in my spare time. For example, two of my friends were in a debate about whether or not Kelly Kapowski actually sang the song "Blue Moon" in a talent show, so in an attempt to settle their disagreement I tried googling it since everyone knows that anything that shows up in writing on the internet is a tried and true fact. All of a sudden, a bazillion blog entries about Saved by the Bell popped up and I was in blogger heaven. I mean, who knew that so many other people shared a sick fascination for bad 90's television that I thought made me so unique? Anyway, there are some really good bloggers out there. In fact, I don't think I've met a blog that I haven't liked so far. I guess that's what makes it so easy to waste away hours on mindless google searches.

I do have to say that I saw the movie "Knocked Up" and it was hilarious. Kyle and I were talking about what a good job it does of portraying both the male and the female point of view in relationships. The most classic scene was where this husband (played by Paul Rudd of "Clueless", "Friends", and a more obscure role in "Romeo + Juliet" with Claire Daines & Leonardo DiCaprio) and his wife (played by an actress whose name I don't know but I think she played Adam Sandler's ex-girlfriend in "Big Daddy") were arguing about something he had done, and he frustratedly tells her, "Just tell me what you want me to do!". To which she so eloquently replied, "I don't want to tell you what to do, I want you to do it because you want to do it because you love me, not because I tell you to do it!" Yes, I have used that line on more than a few occassions, and I'd be willing to bet the farm that more than a few women residing in the world of marital bliss have too.

My Friend Izzy

Surprisingly, I am not into Grey's Anatomy like the rest of the women in the free world. You would think it would be right up my alley what with my lifelong television addiction, but such is not the case for whatever reason. I think it has been hyped up so much in my mind that I just don't even think anything will live up to my expectations at this point.


Imagine my surprise when I ran into Katherine Heigl when I was out wine tasting in Temecula.

Okay, I lie. That's actually my friend C, one of the sweetest gals I've ever met. We actually were wine tasting in Temecula to celebrate her graduation from law school - brains and beauty, how jealous am I? Ever since I met her I've harped on how much she is the spitting image of Izzy.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. It's fun to know celebrity look-a-likes. One of my classmates says that she had a friend who looked just like Anna Nicole Smith, and now she's bummed because she can't get away with pretending to be her anymore. The only person I've ever been mistaken for is a Victoria's Secret model when I'm at the beach doing the "about to drop my drawers" pose. LOL!

I Did It!

After starving myself for the past four hours and working out like a mad woman, I finally achieved my perfect bikini body:

This is so not healthy...

Perfect Bikini Body

I get these e-mails from Victoria's Secret online informing me of their once a year sales (that actually happen every other day). Given the fact that summer is coming up, I decided to peruse their swimwear section. What started out as looking for a cute swimsuit turned into me shopping for the perfect bikini body.

On a side note, what the hell is up with the whole posing like you're about to pull your bottoms down deal? Seemed to be a common theme in the Vicky's online catalog.

Every year I promise myself I will be good and work out before summer hits. I can only think of one year that I actually did it, and that was the year that I also ate massive amounts of food at a time so I was just a semi-toned big girl. I fear that getting the perfect bikini body is only a pipe dream for me. Ahh, such is life.

I'm off to see my therapist. We have to attend 10 counseling sessions as part of my program. Lately I've enjoyed throwing the occasional "so, I was talking to my therapist..." into conversations. Makes me feel like Demi Moore in St. Elmo's fire, without the wicked stepmonster and the perfect bikini body.

Ta ta!

Anyone? Bueller?

Is anyone out there? Bueller? Bueller?

I know at least you are reading P.

I need a hobby. I've determined that watching TV and being up-to-date on pop culture do not qualify as hobbies. I've racked my brain trying to think of hobbies I can take up but have come up with zilch. Suggestions are welcome. Here are some things I enjoy and that I think I am good at:

Playing Scrabble
Drinking wine
Eating food
Petting cats

Cooking - I want to be good at this, but I don't think I'm very good at it. I'm okay, but Kyle is way better than I am. And for some reason every time I cook chicken I feel ill the next day so I think I'm giving myself salmonilla.

Who am I kidding? I don't even have time to do the laundry, clean my desk, take out the recycling. I need to figure out a way to be a fully functioning adult before taking up a hobby!

Does anybody have the phone number for a maid service?

Me & Sanjaya are One

I was watching American Idol and realized that my internal voice is way too Simon Cowell and not enough Paula Abdul. There are some days when I walk around feeling like I'm Sanjaya and can't do anything right.

Simon: "Cheryl, that was horrendous! Like watching a bad, drunken karaoke bar performance."
Me: "Really? You think I could be good enough to sing at a karaoke bar? Wow, thanks!"

Hardy har. Where oh where is Paula when you need her? At least she would tell me my outfit looks nice.

A Year in the Life

Happy one year Bloggerversary to me!

Reflections on the past year:

1. Going back to school is not as easy as it sounds.
2. I'm still reminded of my New Years spill by the stubborn bruise on my knee that will not go away.
3. One year is way too long to go without a nice vacation away from it all.
4. Being an aunt is the best.
5. Never say never. Like I said I would never go back to the Brenda Walsh bangs.

I started out with wispy, sideswept bangs. Then I decided I need a change. Slowly but surely, I have digressed back to the days of 90210. Even those damn jumpers with t-shirts underneath are making a comeback. I haven't quite made that leap yet. I think I'll file that under the category of leggings for now. That stereotypical Asian model with bangs thing a la Bai Ling always bugged me, which was partly why I revolted against straight bangs for so long. I guess I'm a conformist at heart!

Randomly, I'm in Santa Barbara this weekend to represent my program at a diversity forum being held at UCSB. Believe it or not, it was actually more the fact that this event focuses on diversity rather than that it was in Santa Barbara that motivated me to want to come when I was invited at the last minute. Of course, I ain't complaining about the locale - just a minor side perk. But instead of having a grand time on State Street I'll be working on my paper/presentation for my child development class. Fun times.

I don't think this can count as my long overdue vacation.

What to Do, What to Do

TO DO:

1. Get a pedicure. Gnarly toenails are unacceptable, even in cold weather.
2. School work (what's new?)
3. Finish traffic school online. Funny when you read about how you shouldn't drive when you are emotional, which is pretty much what I was doing when that cursed photo light caught me.
4. Go on that bikini body diet I've been talking about for months (now that there are only about 2 months left until summer begins).
5. Get a massage & plan a vacation. Relaxation time is key.
6. Start writing in a journal again. Blogging is fun and all, but there are just some things not meant for public consumption.
7. Blog more.
8. Go to the gym (can't wait until I actually check this one off my list!).
9. Buy Elliot Yamin CD. I was a Taylor Hicks fan but his CD kind of disappointed. I hear Elliot's is the bomb yo! (Sorry, temporarily possessed by the spirit of Randy Jackson)
10. Buy more closed toe shoes (in case #1 is not realized).

Meme?

Apparantly I've been tagged to fill out a meme. Before today I didn't even know what a meme is so if this post actually even goes through it will be a miracle. I guess I didn't realize before getting into blogging how technically literate I would have to be.

Three things that scare me

1. PUBLIC SPEAKING
2. Being judged (goes into #1)
3. The idea of anyone other than my beloved husband who loves me unconditionally seeing me first thing in the morning when I wake up.
   

Three people who make me laugh

1. I Love Cheese
2. Dave Chapelle
3. Me (hence the blog name)

Three things I love

1. I have to go with Cherann on this one - my family

2. The Office

"Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information." - Michael Scott

3. Food

Three things I hate


1. When people think they are better than others
2. Inconsiderateness
3. Being hungry
   

Three things I don’t understand

1. How anyone could not love food

2. How on earth leggings ever made a comeback

3. Intolerance

Three things on my desk


1. A stack of papers taller than me
2. A video game case for World of Warcraft (Kyle's doing, not mine. Not that WoW isn't cool or anything, I'm just sayin'.)
3. More paper

If Kyle hadn't just cleaned it I'm sure there would be a million water bottles on my desk too (my doing, not Kyle's).

Three things I want to do before I die


1. Be serenaded by John Legend (only a song Kyle, nothing more of course!)
2. Meet Barack Obama (Obama in '08!)

3. Be a mommy.

Three things I can do


1. Cook a 30-minute meal
2. Trick my husband into getting into bad reality TV shows (The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll, The Hills, etc.)
3. Laugh a lot
   
   
Three things I can’t do

1. Pretend I know something that I don't

2. Motivate myself to work out
3. Swim

Three things I think you should listen to

1. The good things people say about you
2. John Legend's "Get Lifted"
3. Yourself

Three things you should never listen to

I try to be pretty open minded so I can't think of anything you shouldn't listen to. Of course, that doesn't mean you have to do everything that anyone says. I'll have to come back to you on that one.

Three things I’d like to learn (but won’t)


1. How to be completely non-judgmental
2. How to stop thinking about what everyone else is thinking
3. How Anna Nicole Smith could be so blind as to what a sleazoid Howard K. Stern is
   
   
   Three shows I watched as a kid

1. The Guys Next Door

2. The Monkees (yes, I was boy band crazed even at a young age)

3. Saved by the Bell

Now for the very special part….Tag, you’re it! You're turn to tell me three things. Have fun!

I Love Cheese

Thanks for the tag Cherann!

The Man, the Myth, the LEGEND

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

Can I just tell you how much I absolutely heart John Legend? Kyle and I went to his concert last night with a few friends and he 100% blew my mind with how awesome he was. You know somebody is good when they sound even better LIVE than they do on their CD.

It doesn't hurt that he's pretty easy on the eyes too. I don't think Kyle would mind my mini-celebrity crush since he has developed one of his own for Mr. Legend's opening act, Carin Bailey Rae.

I knew I was in trouble when Kyle first saw her perform and realized that she can play the guitar, but then she had to go and reveal the fact that she has the coolest British accent ever last night. If I could come back as somebody else in another lifetime I would want to come back as a Brit because I'm convinced that no matter what your personality is like, if you have a British accent you are golden. So:

Good looks + good personality + plays the guitar + great singer + BRITISH ACCENT

= Kyle fantasizing about being picked out of a crowd for a marriage proposal from Carin Bailey Rae

I forget how great going to concerts can be. It was held at the Embarcadero downtown, which I think I have been to at some point but can't remember why. Anyway, it was a beautiful night, with the water on one side and a great view of the city on the other. We also discovered that you can pretty much have a picnic right outside the venue and still be able to see and hear the music for free, so I'm thinking I'll have to try it when the next great act comes into town. Although I'm not sure if anything will ever live up to John Legend. Sigh.

In other music related news, did you happen to catch American Idol last night with Michael Buble? Now, Michael Buble is another artist who I've designated as one of my favorites on my myspace page, but I'm feeling like he kind of ruined his image in my eyes with his creepy comment about Antonella Barba. I wonder if he's still dating that British girl from "The Devil Wears Prada"? If he lets go a girl with a British accent then he definitely is a certified fool.

Lackadaisical

Lackadaisical: adj. idle or indolent, especially in a dreamy way

Yeah, that says it all about me these days. I'm finding I'm lacking in the motivation department lately. I think after all those years I've spent trying to please everyone around me I'm finally getting fed up with it and have started ushering my priorities to the front of the line. So selfish of me, I know. Anyway, it kind of sucks too though because I'm starting to go through this phase where I feel like I'm unlikeable. I think I relied so much on doing whatever it takes to make people happy for years as a means of being liked that now that I'm not doing it as much I am starting to wonder what there is left of me to like.

I'm feeling inconsistent too. I've always felt like I'm not the same me around everyone, so now I'm trying to figure out exactly who the "real" me is. Shooz, I definitely thought I was supposed to be more evolved in that aspect at this age. Funny thing is, I feel like I've gone through this already. I was so sure of who I was in my early 20's but now I'm trying to remember who that was. Loss of memory, another tragic side effect of aging.

Anyway, I know this post is a downer but it's 4 in the morning right now and I guess introspection is what happens when sleep escapes you. Overall things are fine. Spring Break came and went, but wasn't really much of a break if you ask me. I went to a School Counseling conference on Friday where I was part of a group presentation. If you know me at all, you know that public speaking is my greatest fear in life, so I was mentally blocking out most other things this whole week in preparation for the presentation. It went well. I actually didn't feel nervous, but for some reason could still feel my hands shaking when I was up there in front of all those eyes on me. I think my physiological response overrides my actual mental state. Any suggestions on how to control it are more than welcome!

Steppin' It Up

I was working with a student the other day and we were talking about the lyrics to a song that she idenitifies with. Here's a song that I'm trying to identify more with these days:

"Control" - Janet Jackson

This is a story about control
My control
Control of what I say
Control of what I do
And this time I'm gonna do it my way (my way)
I hope you enjoy this as much as I do
Are we ready?
I am
'Cause it's all about control (control)
And I've got lots of it

When I was 17 I did what people told me, uhh!
Did what my father said,
and let my mother mold me
But that was long ago
I'm in

Control
Never gonna stop
Control
To get what I want
Control
I like to have a lot
Control
Now I'm all grown up

First time I fell in love, I didn't know what hit me
So young and so naive, I thought it would be easy
Now I know I got to take

Control
Now I've got a lot, ow!
Control
To get what I want
Control
I'm never gonna stop
Control
Now I'm all grown up

Jam, ooh ooh
Rebel, that's right
I'm on my own,
I'll call my own shots
Thank you

Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control

So let me take you by the hand,
and lead you in this dance
Control
It's what I got,
because I took a chance
I don't wanna rule the world,
just wanna run my life
So make your life a little easier
When you get the chance just take
Control

There are more lyrics but it kind of gets repetitive after that so I'll spare you. It's funny, you never realize how many oohs and aahs there are in a song until you actually look at the lyrics on paper.

Anyway, my point is that lately I've sort of felt out of control of my life. I have a tendency to put pressure on myself based on what other people want from me and not what I want for myself. I think the main part of the song that is true to how I feel about "Control" is that "I don't wanna rule the world, just wanna run my life." Basically, here's how I rank my priorities in life:

1. Family/friends
2. School
3. Work

Lately it has not been that way, and I can only blame myself for that. Maybe I'm destined for mediocrity but I've never been one to try to strive to be the "best" at anything. I think I've blogged about this before - being the "best" is so relative and in no way the same for everyone, so I only want to be the best at doing what makes me happy.

I've always been really terrible at saying "No" when someone asks me to do something (hence, the 100+ hour work weeks when I was in advertising). I'm going to try to practice it more because ultimately, if I don't, I'll just become really resentful and bitter. Again, noone to blame but myself. If only I was taught how to do that better...I think it goes into how culturally, it was always emphasized that I had to respect my elders, don't question what they say, etc. I used to totally get into trouble if I said "No" to my parents. But I really think I should put more stock into myself and know that if I do say no to someone then that doesn't mean they'll ultimately hate me, and even if they did, so be it. We should all respect each other's priorities rather than trying to force our own on everyone else and thinking that anyone who doesn't share our same priorities is weird or crazy. If you are someone that loves working 100+ hours per week, more power to you I say!

Wow, that was a release. I think all this self counseling in school is getting to me.

Nice Girl

I wrote this post last week but have been waiting to post it because I can't get my darn scanner to work properly. Oh well, here it is, excuse the shoddy quality of the below pics due to an ill functioning piece of crap scanner:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I have blogger's remorse. Every time I think to blog I start making a mental list of all the things I should be doing, like studying, getting sleep, spending more time with Kyle, etc. Then when I finally do go to blog I feel like I have to apologize for it or something. I think it may be the Catholic in me. What can I say, guilt is a powerful thing. Perhaps this is the real reason why I have been so remiss in my entries.

So I heard a funny conversation the other day on the radio as I was driving to school listening to the hits of the 80's, 90's and today. I think it's funny when people who are so out of the loop try to get back in the loop and then end up totally not getting what being in the loop really is about. I know this is vague...let me explain. This kind of dorky sounding DJ dude was talking about how he just started getting into reading blogs, and he discovered the word, "meh". He defined it as a "verbal shrug", and even had a theory as to where the word derived from - I think he said some word in Yiddish or something. So he proceeds to end his segment by saying, "The next time someone says something to you that you are ambivalent about, just say 'meh'." Now I could totally be the one out of the loop here, but in my estimation there are certain things that you write in the blogosphere that you totally wouldn't say in real life, "Meh" being one of those things. It's okay to say "Eh" (which is really where I think it came from), but would a real live person ever really say "Meh"? Maybe if they listened to this radio show they might. But that would be like saying "LOL!" after someone told you a joke, or ummm, now I can't come up with anymore examples, but you know what I mean. Just don't say "meh" around me so I don't feel dumb for spending 10 minutes writing about it, okay? I just think blogosphere lingo should be it's own language meant only to be written and not spoken out loud. Hmm, I wonder what one would call it? Bloglish? Bloginese (sounds too much like bolognese)? Blogalog? Yeah, I like that one.

Speaking of reading blogs, the other day I was perusing a blog I frequent fairly regularly and the blogger was talking about how she wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is known as "nice". Which got me to thinking about how on a few occassions lately I've been told how "nice" I am. But honestly, when people tell me that, sometimes I just feel like a huge fraud. I mean I try to treat people well and all, but I think I do have those judgmental tendencies that are maybe just inherent in all of us. I am trying to make a conscious effort to tone down the judgmentalness, but it sho' is hard. I guess I can say I'm pretty optimistic, to the point where sometimes I even disgust myself, but I wonder if optimism and niceness necessarily go hand in hand. Nice just sounds so boring sometimes. Although I do think I would take pride in being tolerant by understanding that not everyone thinks the same way as I do, and trying to see the positive about people rather than the negative.

You know what IS nice of me? The fact that I am going to bestow upon you the menu for Board & Brew, my very favorite sandwich place in all of San Diego. My friends and I used to drive all the way down to L.A. just for a tasty morsel of Board & Brew sandwiches with their oh so delicioso sweet and sour sauce. The other day I was looking for their menu online and when I couldn't find it I thought I would post it on my blog as a service to the minions of sweet and sour sauce loving foodies out there. I present to you...dadadaDA...the Board & Brew Menu:







You can thank me one day by buying me a Turkey Deluxe with extra sweet & sour sauce on the side. I am now going to google "Board & Brew Menu" to see if my blog comes up and yes, I do know that is nerdy of me, and no, I don't so much care. I've learned to take ownership of my nerdiness after all these years.

Back from the Dead

Has it really been a month since I last blogged? Well, I can believe it. It's been crazy crazy because I've been helping plan a school counseling event which just ended yesterday. Now I can return to the things I love, such as Kyle, spending time with my baby nephew Marcus, and of course blogging. Not that I'm entirely sure I have much to blog about since my time has been consumed with event planning but just wanted to check in and let y'all know I'm still alive and well.

One thing I do have to say is that this has been the most dismal year of American Idol yet. I seriously cannot say who I think would be a great American Idol, whereas in the past I have always by now chosen the winner and, not to brag, but most of the time I've been right. Except season 1 when I wanted Tamyra Gray to win, but now I definitely think Kelly Clarkson deserved the title. I'm sure Tamyra is just as happy with her Color Me Badd husband as she would have been had she been crowned the AI winner. Also, I was in denial about Carrie Underwood since I'm not too into the country thing.

I'm at the library right now trying to catch up on studying, which is of course why I am blogging. Hehe, just needed a little break. I'm sitting next to the "Witchery" section of library books, which I did not even know existed until today. There's even a book about how to be a Teen Witch. I had picked it up thinking that it was related to that awesome 90's made for TV movie starring the chick with the red hair who discovered she was a witch. If you know what I'm talking about then you watch entirely too much TV, just like me.

Okay, back to my exciting world of textbooks on testing and anger management!

My Friend the Editing Queen

My friend Suzanna has started to read my blog, which I am very happy about (hi Suzanna!). However, this puts me into an interesting conundrum, as she is the master editor in our cohort and I am known to be guilty of the occassional typo or two. In fact, I just re-read a few of my last entries and found a few, but had to resist the temptation of going back to fix them (eh-too much work). For now, I will just have to beg her forgiveness for the misspellings until one day, probably when I am procrastinating on some assignment, I go back and fix all of my corrections. You know how they say owls can spot a tiny rat from miles away? Well they ain't got nothin' on Suzanna and typos! Hehe, one of the many things I admire about her. :)

My schedule is in full effect right now. Just got back from a class where one of my ongoing assignments is to counsel myself. Good times! Talk about an awkward conversation. Would it be cheating if I just wrote out a script in advance and then read it into the tape recorder that the instructor will be listening to? At the very least, I can work on my acting skills.

This is the End, the Beautiful End My Friend.

I'd like to take a moment to mourn the passing of a dear, special friend of mine called Winter Break. Oh what wonderful times we spent together. I'll never forget the morning when we slept in until 9:20 and woke up for Rachael Ray, or how you were always there for me to find time to go grocery shopping at a time when I didn't have to stand in mile long lines. At least we still have one precious week together, during which I can pay visits to my other dear friends and walk around without my shoulders rising to my head out of stress. So sad.

I ate a banana, fruit bar, and smoothie last night for dinner thinking I was being healthy and all day long today my stomach has been tied in knots. I don't think it's used to food that isn't deep fried or full of fat anymore. I'm sure it was all that fiber too.

As you can tell by the beginning of this post, I'm bracing myself for a long, agonizing semester. My schedule is pretty crazy. I just have to remind myself that it will all be worth it in the end. Kyle always tells me how lucky I am to have school stress instead of work stress. In my opinion, no stress is good stress, but I guess being able to have school stress is a nice break from the 7+ years of work stress I have under my belt.

Speaking of belts (best transition ever!), I was shopping at this cheapy fashion store recently and was thinking about how when I was in my early 20's I used to think I wouldn't be shopping at cheapy fashion stores in my 30's. Lo and behold, I still feel like $20 is too much to pay for a shirt and I refuse to buy shoes other than boots that cost more than $30 so that leaves my only options being the Everything $5 stores and other such inexpensive clothing outlets. But I was reading In Style and it said that if you are buying trendy stuff you really don't need to buy brand name. Who knew that I was in style all along?

I was out with some friends one night, and a few of the people I was with were text messaging all through dinner. This got me to start thinking about how technologically dependent we've become even in a social aspect. Being social used to mean going out and interacting face to face with people, but now with the advent of My Space, Facebook, Friendster, match.com, cell phones, and Blackberries, such socialization is almost becoming obsolete. I just thought it was pretty ironic that here we were all hanging out together in person, and there was more interest in typing out messages on a phone than in having live conversations with those around us. I was also at a bar one time and one of the guys there had his laptop and was My Spacing the whole time. So interesting how we've evolved, or in my opinion, regressed in this sense. Really, I think I'm guilty of it myself. I have a lot harder time holding an interesting conversation with people than I do writing e-mails or blogging.

I know this post was random, but I had to get all of these thoughts out there since when school starts I might not have time to think of anything else!

Like Butta

This is funny:

Cheryl -- [adjective]: Similar to butter in texture and appearance 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Not sure how I feel about that. Actually, I'm just not sure what it really means. Anyone care to offer their interpretation?

Kyle's rocks:

Kyle -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a banana peel 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

My banana peel husband.

Cheryl Goes Boom!

I forgot to tell you guys about how I managed to fall on the pavement right in the middle of downtown on New Years. I wasn't even drunk either! Somehow I manage to consistently fall and hurt myself for no apparant reason. There was the time I twisted my ankle just walking down a hill by the Mesa Court dorms at UC Irvine. Then I fell right in front of the oh-so-trendy Chateau Marmont on Sunset Blvd with a group of snobby onlookers as witnesses while my friend just ran ahead out of embarrassment to be seen with me. Needless to say she isn't my friend anymore (not for that reason alone though).

But I'm okay, just a scraped up hand and knee and a bruised ego to boot. Actually, I've started to get so used to it that I don't even get very embarrassed anymore. How sad is that? Kyle thinks it's weird that everytime we walk together I try to hang onto his arm, but really if it wasn't for doing that I might be dead by now.

New Years was good times. We went to The Field for some hearty Irish fare and tasty libations. For some reason though, when midnight struck, our night turned into a series of ill-fated events straight out of a poorly written Will Ferrel movie. I won't delve into the sordid details, but the capper was that we had a crazy cab driver who got so mad at us for changing our minds about where we wanted to get dropped off that he almost stranded us in the middle of the 163 freeway. He literally stopped at an exit and threatened to drop us off so that we could walk our ways back to downtown while dodging drunk drivers going 80+ miles per hour. While our New Years Eve celebration before our crazy adventures was fun and all, it just reminded me and Kyle of why most of the time during New Years, we just make it a Blockbuster night.

I'm going to reserve my spot on the couch for Decmeber 31st 2007 right now.

I am an Aunt (Part II)!

equanimity: n., mental or emotional stability or composure, esp. under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium.

I am officially, legitimately an aunt with a little nephew with five fingers and toes. Now, I may be a little biased, but I think he is the cutest thing ever!

Although I've been on break for a while now, with the birth of Marcus, the various odd jobs I've been taking on, and a lovely visit from Mary Ann and her friend Ros, little time has been afforded for me to blog. However, I have thought of many things I've been wanting to blog about, 99% of which escape me at this moment. I swear that with my advanced age I am losing more and more of my memory. This seems to irk many people since I forget important details about friend's lives, from the kind of car they drive to the country they live in (really, that happened once!). Does this make me a bad friend? Well, in my mind, I don't care about them any less than I used to, but I am trying to make a concerted effort to pay better attention.

Back to Marcus - he is really healthy, active, and alert. He's already got the pressure on him to be really smart, because all of the family seems to agree that he seems to be paying attention to everything around him, even though they say he can't see past a few inches at such a young age.

Maybe I should take some lessons from him on how to pay attention. You would think my mom would take a break from pressuring me to have kids now that she finally has the grandchild she has always wanted, but now it seems like the pressure is on even more since she wants a granddaughter to complete the set and seems intent on me and Kyle providing one to her ASAP. I've just resorted myself to the fact that no matter how many times I explain to her that I have to wait until I'm done with school her persistence will never wane.

The other day we were over at Cathee and Mike's house just staring at Marcus, and he started getting fussy and flailing his arms about.

Dad: "He's looking for his thumb to suck on."

Me: "As long as he doesn't suck it until he's five years old, like I did."

Mom: "That's why you're so calm all the time, because you used to pacifiy yourself when you were young so you don't get upset easily."

Now, I've always been told that I have a certain quality of equanimity about me, but never really thought about that as one of the reasons. It makes sense to me though. So maybe sucking your thumb will cause you to need braces later in life, but at least you'll be a conent person, right?

Today is supposed to be my first official day of relaxation during my vacation. Actually, it was supposed to be yesterday but some last minute stuff had to be taken care of, and I spent the day running around as usual. Today I've been doing pretty good on the relaxation front:

9:20AM - Wake up

9:20-10:00AM - Watch Rachael Ray

10:00AM-10:45AM - Watch The View and read Barack Obama's new book during commerical breaks

10:45AM-11:15AM - Check e-mail, fantasy celebrity scores, etc.

11:15AM-11:50AM - Blog

Hopefully I'll eventually get around to taking a shower. Me = gross.